What is sexological bodywork? Part II

Oct 3

Part II: Embodied sex education

In the first post in this series, we began an exploration of what somatic sex coaching and sexological bodywork are. We saw that having experiences in our body is critical to learning, transformation and healing. And we considered that ultimately this work is about liberation and reclaiming our bodies, pleasure and rest.

The terms somatic sex coaching and sexological bodywork are sometimes used interchangeably which can make it confusing.

Somatic Sex Coaching

Somatic sex coaching is a modality used to support people around topics connected with sex, intimacy and embodiment. Other popular names for a somatic sex coach include somatic sex educator or embodied sex coach. The field is broad and there are many approaches to the work. What they will generally have in common is that they are embodied approaches to sex education, coaching or therapy. In other words, they recognise the body as a site of learning. Can you imagine trying to learn to dance only by reading about it? Or trying to heal a broken bone by talking about it? We need to involve the body.

While somatic sex coaches have things in common, each coach focuses on different demographics, is passionate about particular topics and tools, and may have other trainings and expertise that they integrate into their work. As a result, I encourage people to talk to a couple practitioners when looking for a somatic sex coach. It’s good to ask about any training and education they may have and the way they work. Watch out for anyone promising quick fixes or effortless solutions and listen to your gut. Do you like interacting with this person? Do you feel safe around them?

In my own practice, I celebrate queer and trans identities and aim to be trauma-informed, sex positive, kink and poly friendly and neuro-diverse aware. I am anti-racist and bring my lived experience as a neuro-divergent non-binary person with a migration background, as a parent and being in a relationship for 20+ years. I bring in my background in yoga therapy when it is useful in supporting around physical and mental wellness topics. I also bring my years of experience and education as a coach and as a bodyworker. Together these things contribute to who I am and how I work as a practitioner.

Sexological bodywork

Sexological bodywork brings the body into sex education. Can you imagine trying to learn to dance only by reading about it? Or trying to heal a broken bone by talking about it? Sex education and sexual healing fundamentally involve our bodies. Sexological bodywork brings the body into sex education.

Sexological bodywork is embodied sex education and is primarily associated with a diverse range of touch-based tools and exercises used within the context of somatic sex coaching. The touch can include genital, anal and erotic touch. Whereas surrogate sex therapy or working with a sacred intimate may involve mutual (two-way) touch or even intercourse, touch within sexological bodywork is limited to one-way (practitioner serving the client and their intention). You can also see sexological bodywork as a form of somatic sex coaching which includes the possibility of erotic touch. It is a profession requiring training and supervised practice prior to receiving certification.

“You can see sexological bodywork as a form of somatic sex coaching which includes the possibility of ethical erotic touch.”

— Skylar Haven

Sexological bodywork may or may not involve touch or erotic touch. It often does not. The foundation of it is typically building awareness and skills around embodied consent in varying dynamics of interaction. It’s important to be able to recognise and communicate yes and no and be able to trust the practitioner before moving into intimate touch. Once ready to move into touch, there are many further possibilities for exploration, discovery and skill development.

Sexological bodyworkers support clients with a wide range of topics related to embodiment, sexuality, intimacy and pleasure. They welcome all of you along with your challenges, difficulties, desires and curiosities. Many seek out support once there’s a challenge they’re facing BUT you don't need to have a "problem" to want to explore your body, pleasure and sexuality. You don't need to justify wanting to learn more about your body. You don’t need to justify wanting to feel more at home in your body.

Here’s just a few topics that sexological bodyworkers are sought out for support with: navigating gender transition, pain during sex, identifying boundaries and desires, developing ejaculatory choice, healing from the past, healing body shame, increasing confidence in intimate interactions, exploring states of arousal and erotic trance, asking for what they want and so much more. They may work 1 on 1 or with partners or polycules.

“You don’t need to have a “problem” to want to explore your body, pleasure and sexuality. You don’t need to justify wanting to learn more about your body. You don’t need to justify wanting to feel more at home in your body.”

— Skylar Haven

More broadly speaking, sexological bodywork often supports clients in:

Finding ways to connect to themselves and their body
Getting to know what brings pleasure to their ever changing body now
Experiencing their own personal power, choice and voice
Developing radical acceptance
Practicing presence during interactions, intimacy and erotic touch
Developing greater erotic fluency and understanding of the dynamics of consent in interactions with others.
Using breath, energy and movement to support arousal patterns

As discussed before, not every sexological bodyworker will work with all of these topics. Each sexological bodyworker brings their own background, experience, training in other modalities and passions to their work. If you want to explore a range of some of the possibilities, the book, Healers on the Edge: Somatic Sex Education by Caffyn Jesse, offers many different stories and examples from practitioners and clients of the range of possibilities within sexological bodywork.

In part III we’ll dive deeper into the role of touch in sexological bodywork and healing for queer and trans folx.

Further reading